Black Ghost

Oh, I almost forgot! I will absolutely add the candy thing in there! *Edit*: It's been added.

Sam-Thanks for the review, it really helped! I've got a bit of concern before I get too far into the story: make sure you don't turn this into a total ...

I loved this! You had a lot of good imagery in there, it's like I was seeing everything right in front of me. Sorry I don't have anything useful to ...

I thought this had a lot of good emotion in it. Great poem!

Ok, I've rewritten the prologue, so now it's longer and more detailed. Enjoy :D

thanks, it was just something off the top of my head and I'm glad it turned out so good the only thing i think need word is the second stanza...anyone ...

OK, I'll get on that right away.

Ok, i fixed that about everything happening in secret and stuff. Also the paperwork they fill out is from other branches, which i wrote in. And you were right about ...

I liked it. You used some really good language in there, (which I suck at) and created some good images.

Pretty good, I guess. In a few consise lines you managed to convey a feeling which was your love for surfing and the ocean, which is good. :D

Okay, everyone, be BRUTALLY honest with this headed in a good direction or do you hate it?

Thanks for the constructive critisizm, guys. I'm always trying to improve my writing, and I learn from every review. timjim77, thanks for the tip about showing and not telling. It's ...

Really good idea, I'll work on adding more to this chapter Thanks a lot!

He did find his CD player, if you read carefully, and the story didn't have to be centered around Daffy, it just had to have that line"I knew it was ...

Thanks, I took out the last stanza and added two more that I think relate more to the other ones Hope it's better! -Tony :D